Cómo me casé con vuestra madre (boda español-georgiana en Bulgaria)

Seguramente habrás escuchado eso de “si quieres hacer reír a Dios, cuéntale tus planes”. Pues yo ni creo en Dios ni tenía ningún plan de celebrar una boda. Pues bien, hoy se cumple justo un año desde que me casé. En Bulgaria. Con una georgiana. Se trata de la experiencia más loca, bonita y divertida que he vivido hasta hoy. Te animo a que te quedes y la leas.

Aviso: No estamos esperando un niño, así que tranquilidad… No te preocupes. Es un recurso humorístico por la famosa serie Cómo conocí a vuestra madre. Igualmente, para todos los canarios que me lean: he usado el “vuestra” por la misma razón. Si no me volví “un godo” después cuatro años estudiando en Valencia, un año viviendo en Bulgaria ha resultado inocuo.

Para no irme muy atrás en el tiempo, vayamos hasta mayo del año pasado… Después de acabar mis prácticas universitarias en una radio en Gran Canaria, hice lo que hacen todos los estudiantes españoles que acaban unas prácticas: encadenarlas con otras. Así, un poco a ciegas, solicité una beca para venirme seis meses a Sofía, la capital de Bulgaria, desde donde escribo. Si te interesa conocer mi experiencia después de un año en los Balcanes, aquí puedes leer una publicación que escribí al respecto.

Un año antes había conocido durante su Erasmus en España a mi actual pareja (y esposa, aunque suene raro decirlo). Se llama Ketevan y es de Tiflis, la capital de Georgia. Tiflis suena a enfermedad venerea, así que la llamaré “Tbilisi”, que es el nombre original. Dicho esto, y para que te ahorres el viaje a Google: Georgia y Bulgaria se encuentran uno frente al otro, a ambos lados del Mar Negro. Después de varios meses a distancia, y aprovechando lo cerca que estábamos, decidí ir a verla a Tbilisi y conocer a su familia. Georgia es un país precioso con una gente preciosa de los que algún día espero escribir.

 

En Stepantsminda (Georgia). Nota mental: nunca le dejes la cámara a un adolescente para hacerte una foto.

Queríamos intentar vivir juntos. Y una de las primeras cosas que aprendí al venir a Bulgaria es que si hablas idiomas es muy fácil encontrar trabajo. Ketevan (o Kate, como suelen llamarla) habla inglés, español, ruso y georgiano, un lenguaje que comparte raíces con el euskera y cuyo alfabeto se parece extrañamente al élfico.

Así que desde que aterricé de nuevo en Sofía empecé a investigar sobre el tema. En Internet no había mucha información, y la poca que había estaba en búlgaro, por lo que tampoco era demasiado útil. Navegando por Facebook encontré a un abogado de inmigración y quedamos, cerveza por delante, para estudiar las posibilidades que teníamos.

Zachary, que así se llama, brindó conmigo al estilo búlgaro: mirándome a los ojos y pronunciando el clásico “nazdrave”. Acto seguido, dio un sorbo a su cerveza y me explicó muy claramente que, al no estar Georgia en la Unión Europea, había tres opciones:

  1. Opción A: Kate se monta una empresa ficticia en Georgia y viene aquí como representante. En ese caso, Kate fingiría contratos entre su empresa y la empresa en la que quisiera trabajar. El procedimiento tardaría unos meses y costaría más de 1.000 euros.
  2. Opción B: Kate busca trabajo. Kate encuentra una empresa que justifique que lo que hace Kate no lo puede hacer nadie más en la Unión Europea. Este proceso tarda tres meses y se tiene que anunciar por televisión, radio, periódicos e Internet en los diferentes países. Si Kate es contratada, automáticamente su visado depende de la empresa. Eso quiere decir que si la empresa decide despedir a Kate, Kate se tiene que volver a Georgia.
  3. Opción C: Kate se casa contigo.

Llegados a este punto, te puedes imaginar qué opción elegí.

Entre la cerveza de medio litro con el estómago vacío y la sorpresa que me había llevado, no fue tarea fácil llegar a casa. Las tres opciones que me contó Zachary se convirtieron en dos: o casarnos o dejar la relación. Yo la quería y quería seguir con ella pasase lo que pasase. Le dije que necesitábamos hablar esa misma noche por Skype y ahí fue cuando me declaré. Una declaración más práctica que romántica.

La conclusión fue que, si para poder estar juntos había que casarse, pues nos casábamos. La vida está hecha para los valientes.

Al día siguiente se lo contamos a nuestras familias. En Georgia la mayoría de la población es muy tradicional y la gente se casa muy joven, por lo general. En España, totalmente al revés. Su familia recibió la noticia con un gran entusiasmo. La mía… Pues imagínate su reacción cuando de un día para otro les digo que me caso. Y en otro país. Al final, explicándoles la situación, lo entendieron y me apoyaron.

Las semanas siguientes fueron un auténtico coñazo. Primero tenía que sacarme la tarjeta de residencia búlgara, luego tenía que enviarle una carta de invitación por correo ordinario, entonces ella pediría un visado de turista y una vez aquí solicitar casarnos y que ella pidiera la tarjeta de residencia. Ahora vuelve a leer el párrafo desde el principio, pero imaginándote en un país que no es el tuyo, donde hablan un idioma que no conoces y en un alfabeto que todavía no controlas.

A ello se le unió el hecho de que las autoridades búlgaras no son especialmente agradables. Esas semanas viví momentos de lo más kafkianos, como que una señora me tirase la carta de invitación al suelo sin dejar de mirar el ordenador o que me hicieran un interrogatorio en Inmigración dos personas que solo sabían hablar búlgaro. Estas últimas, al ver que no entendía, llamaron al Jefe de la Oficina de Inmigración, que además de búlgaro sabía ruso. Gracias.

La primera foto juntos en Bulgaria.

Finalmente, el 14 de agosto, en un vuelo con escala en Estambul, Kate llegó a Bulgaria con un visado de turista por un mes. Ahora tocaba supuestamente lo más sencillo: pedir en el Ayuntamiento una fecha para casarnos y hacer el papeleo necesario.

Entre dichos trámites se encontraba hacernos una prueba de sangre para demostrar que no teníamos sífilis (que a diferencia de Tiflis, sí es una enfermedad venerea) y una entrevista con un psiquiatra. La entrevista fue en búlgaro y la hacía una psiquiatra de 60 y muchos años. Deduje, por su actitud, que pensaría que nuestro matrimonio era un fraude. Un doctor jovencito, que estaba haciendo su residencia, nos iba traduciendo: «¿alguna vez han pensado en suicidarse? ¿Se han dado un golpe en la cabeza en el último año? ¿Están seguros de que quieren casarse?».

Aunque con cierta reticencia, la señora, que tampoco quería muchos líos antes de jubilarse, nos puso el sello que nos convertía en seres adultos con la facultad mental de unirse en matrimonio.

Allí estábamos los dos, Kate y yo, la tarde anterior a la boda, sentados en una sala del Ayuntamiento, con toda la documentación, esperando a que Zachary trajera unos papeles que se le habían olvidado. Habíamos elegido la modalidad más barata de matrimonio: la gratuita. A cambio, no habría ni música, ni sacerdote, ni palabras bonitas ni champán.

Nuestras familias tampoco podrían venir, ya que no tuvieron tiempo para organizar nada. Solo vendrían unas 20 ó 30 personas que había conocido a lo largo de mis tres meses en Bulgaria. Nos reíamos entre nosotros pensando en que los asistentes se iban a aburrir de lo lindo.

De camino a la boda. Foto: Jodi Hilton.

¡Y llegó el día! Fuimos hasta la entrada del edificio de aspecto soviético donde nos íbamos a casar. Acompañados por nuestra compañera de piso, Jodi, que se encargó de hacer las fotos, fuimos saludando a los invitados. Enseguida salió Iván, uno de los testigos, a decirnos que nos habían preparado una sorpresa y que teníamos que esperar ahí.

Nunca me cansaré de agradecer lo que vino después… Iván y otros compañeros de mi oficina habían organizado una bonita ceremonia. Habían hecho un grupo en Facebook con mis amigos y retransmitieron la boda por streaming. También se pusieron en contacto con nuestras familias, que vieron toda la ceremonia a través de una videollamada de Skype.

La madre de Vladislav, un amigo que se ofreció a grabarlo todo en vídeo, trabajaba oficiando bodas en ese edificio, por lo que consiguió que la jueza dijera unas bonitas palabras sobre el matrimonio, que el abogado iba traduciendo al inglés. Al salir del edificio, mis amigos reprodujeron la marcha nupcial a través de YouTube. Al salir, fuimos a un bar-restaurante a celebrarlo todos juntos.

En la puerta del edificio, después de casarnos. Foto: Jodi Hilton.

Y así fue como Kate y yo nos casamos y conseguimos vivir juntos en la Unión Europea. Posiblemente sea el único canario casado con una georgiana. Y desde luego, el único casado en Sofía. A los pocos días, a Kate le dieron una tarjeta de residencia que le permitía vivir y trabajar en Bulgaria.

Nadie sabe lo que nos deparará el futuro, pero pase lo que pase podremos decir que ha sido una de las aventuras más divertidas de nuestras vidas.

Y es que seguramente habrás escuchado eso de que “si quieres hacer reír a Dios, cuéntale tus planes”. No soy creyente, pero estoy seguro de que, si existe un Dios allá arriba, todavía sigue riéndose.

 

Si te has quedado con ganas de más, conté la historia en la radio en la que había hecho las prácticas:

También se hicieron eco de ella en la página de la asociación Erasmus Student Network, con este artículo (en inglés).

Fotos de la boda: Jodi Hilton
Vídeo: Vladislav Lakov

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